is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
