Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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