I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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