There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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