tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
