just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
