Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
