He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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