he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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