Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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