id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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