When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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