dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
