I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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