i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
