Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
