weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
