why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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