Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
