we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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