OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
