Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
