home. puking in laundry basket.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
