So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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