i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
