bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
