Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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