drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's paint friendship bongs
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
