Umm I'm too high to move.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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