You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
