He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
