apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
