I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
