Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
