If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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