I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
