I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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