I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Houston, we have a blender
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
