How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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