Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
