also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize