also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
