You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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