I could make wine with my vomit
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
