Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
