dude i'm inner monologue high
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
