Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
