The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
