I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
