Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
