But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
