if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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