I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
