Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
