his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
