i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just forgot I was standing up.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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