We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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