In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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