I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
two words: eviction party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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