I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
