Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.

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(586): View more from Michigan

i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up

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(831): View more from California

please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

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(410): View more from Maryland

i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that

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(314): View more from Missouri

TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES

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