You're my little dorito
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.