we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho