In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.