Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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