I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.