yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize