Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need water and some morals
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
