it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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