I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
