I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
