I think my vagina is haunted
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
